Live from a white spot in a purple nation on a blue planet...

If I was a Horseman of the Apocalypse, I'd be "War," but I'd also be suing for breach of contract right now:

Seven women who had holed up in a cave for months other members of a Russian cult awaiting the end of the world emerged Friday night and were being treated by emergency workers, regional officials said.

More than two dozen others remained behind but were expected to come out as early as Saturday, the governor's office said.

About 35 members of the Christian cult entered the cave near the village of Nikolskoye, 400 miles southeast of Moscow, in early November to await the end of the world, which they expected in May. They threatened to detonate gas canisters if police tried to remove them by force.

Look, if you people can't wait until the Apocalypse is underway, you're too weak and stupid to call yourselves a cult.  Jeebus, the Hail-Bopp r-tards killed themselves.  The Jonestown brats killed people, then killed themselves. 

If you can't even live in a burrow for seven months for THE END OF THE WORLD, you suck.  Seriously, it's not like you're ever going to get the chance to do this over.  Tomorrow, the sun will come up on four unemployed horseman.  In May, the trumpets and bowls will sit undisturbed.  All this just because some little cultish wannabes couldn't stay in their cave through April.  Weak, guys.  Just pathetic...  We don't even get a ritual suicide from these weak people?  So sad.